Can we really?

Today is supposed to be a day of honor and of public service. I have to work. Technically, I don't. I could say, "I'm swapping days this week, so I can take a day of service and support my community." But I didn't get my act together, and am more focused on making sure I get all my hours done so I can be sure to get paid.

I don't think I am hurting financially. I have the same job I had last year. Sure, my insurance premiums just went up. But I'm also not going to be spending thousands of dollars to produce theater, so my expenses should be way lower. Still, I can't get the accountant to call me back, and it doesn't help that all of the news is about our piss-poor economy. I'm starting to think that Steve Inskeep and Renee Montagne are waging their own terror strike on the people by continuing to report such dreadful news.

Last night, at bedtime, though I was exhausted, I couldn't sleep. My football team lost their championship playoff in the 4th quarter, and now two dumb teams are going to the Super Bowl. Also, I was overwhelmed by, again, all of the financial woes happening around me. By the story featured on On the Media about the dark, seedy underbelly of cloud computing. By having to start another work week. By the lull in my creative process. By the fact that we've been sick since Thursday night. To calm me, we played my favorite Storytime (uh, a.k.a. Selected Shorts for those of you not in my household): "Wes Amerigo's Giant Fear." I listened to the entire thing, and eventually calmed down enough to fall asleep by the time David Rakoff came on to read. Before I slept, I noted that I will never be able to tell a story as beautiful as this.

I woke up feeling like I had swallowed a thumb tack during the night, and it was now lodged in the bottom-left part of my throat. I am hoping the two cups of hot coffee will melt that sensation away. All weekend, we did nothing but be sick. We did not exercise, we did not go to the bike store. I did manage to work for an hour, because, as before, I am concerned about meeting my hourly requirement. We did make a delicious cajun-rubbed pork butt and watch many hours of The Discovery Channel.

And now here we are. It's Monday. Everyone is so excited for MLK Day and for tomorrow's inauguration. I'm terrified at how much pressure we've put on this poor man before even giving him the power to lead. Everyone is heralding Change! Hope! I just want to get things done. I've always felt that my biggest shortcoming is my inability to focus, to accomplish things. Or maybe I just think I should be accomplishing more than is reasonable. This isn't even the blog post I meant to write. I had this whole great thing planned about getting a new bike. It could have been TAL-worthy. Instead, you get this. Sorry.

Still, it means I can cross it off my list. It wasn't what I wanted to do, but it was something. Ugh. Is that what progress feels like? It's like being hungry for lasagna, and having to settle for carrot sticks. Ok, I'm going to try to call the accountant again. Hopefully one more thing I can accomplish. Yes, I can.