Many of you have recently experienced the miracle of childbirth. Congratulations! What a wonderful moment that must have been for you! I hope your lives have become richer, fuller, more blessed. Some of you are soon going to experience that magic! I know you are looking forward to it, and I wish you the best.
However, if I may make one tiny request. Please, when your child is between the ages of 18-24 months, do not take your child to the library. Please. I implore you.
Last week, at the library, I was assaulted by the sound of a screaming child. Screaming! The hysterical noises coming out of this child actually began to worry me: was this not just a tantrum cry? Was someone being eviscerated on the library's circulation desk? I did not get up to check, just in case the eviscerator wasn't finished, and the screaming continued for nearly 5 straight minutes. Happily, my ears did not start to bleed.
The next day -- at the same library -- a small, charming family visited the library. The son was about 6. The perfectly-coiffed mother and father were there, along with their darling, blonde ringletted little girl. Who opened her mouth and began to shriek. How could such a pretty thing make such a hideous noise? Fortunately, this time, I was not sitting in the quiet section doing work. I was standing by the entrance, chatting in low voices with a few older ladies. One of them whispers, "People really shouldn't bring babies to a library." Of course she says this as the stylish yuppie mother is walking by. The mother stops to glare at the older lady and says in a prickly tone: "She's two!" and storms out.
Exactly! She's two! She did not drive herself to the library. She did not decide that it would be a great place to spend a morning. You did! You are currently in a position of control in that child's life. While you cannot control what comes out of her mouth, you certainly can control where she does it.
This does not mean stay home! Heaven forbid. I know what it's like to be stuck in a house with a cranky child and no other adult company. But the library? The most recognized architectural representation of silence since the cloister? Please, take the child to the zoo, the aquarium, the playground. Take the child to places with other children. Take the child to the mall, for God's sake. But have some sense!
I don't say this from a position of some frigid, inexperienced old shrew. I raised a child through his seventh year. When he was small and we wanted to go out to eat, we didn't go to Lutece. We didn't go to a place with tableclothes or fancy napkins. We went to Friendly's. An establishment with plastic servingware and a dedicated children's menu. We knew not to take a child to a place where a child's needs are not going to be met. And he fit in well there with all the other screaming kids.
So, my dearest friends, please offer me this courtesy. Wait until your child is old enough to read before you take him or her to the library! And if you truly can't resist exposing him to the joys of books before he's ready, then take him to that fake version of the library full of cellphones, coffee, loitering teens, and free bathrooms: Barnes and Noble. I guarantee that I will not be there trying to work.
I thank you with all my heart.
Love,
Miranda
P.S. This does not mean that you should take the child to the movies. If you do that, I will personally hunt you down and slap you silly.
2 comments:
I am in total agreement. Except I will add that my nephew Tyler behaved beautifully at the library--picking out his own books and looking at the pictures quietly while my sister browsed through kid's DVDs. Of course, he was just a little over 2-years which just makes it past your cut-off point. I have, on the other hand, seen older kids that could use a muzzle. Maybe the age-requirement should pertain to emotional development, if that can be measured...
heehee
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