S'Wonderfool

So in keeping with our recent theme of magicians and stage spectacles, I thought I'd write about a recent encounter I had with the Wonderfool. He was performing in a talent show/fundraiser for a local theater, and I was helping out. The Wonderfool is sort a postmodern court jester... he tells jokes, does tricks, and performs dangerous stunts. Did I mention he can eat fire? (Did I mention he ate fire on a stage that held an unfinished, unpainted wooden set? Yes, I was once a certified fire guard and still get sort of twitchy about the idea of open flame and lauan).

The full roster of stunts I saw him perform were as follows:

1. Tell jokes
2. Eat fire
3. Breathe fire
4. Set his hand aflame, and use it to ignite a big exhalation of fire
5. Play on a rolla bolla (a wobbly board balanced on a tube)
6. Use a 6-foot American bullwhip
7. Use the 6-foot American bullwhip while on the rolla bolla
8. Make balloon animals
9. Swallow an unformed balloon animal whole
10. Pull a hat out a rabbit (Not a real rabbit. That would be gross)

After his show, I pestered him with questions. "Where does the balloon go?" and "Do you pop it as you swallow it? How does it deflate?" and "You have to show me your hands!" There was, indeed, a little blister forming on his pinky finger after his hand/fire trick, proving that it was no illusion. As for the balloon, he confirmed that it was definitely in his belly and he'd be passing it later, but wouldn't divulge the secret to getting it there in the first place.

I am just in awe. Like, I know lots of things. I am chock full of trivia, fun facts, and nuggets of useless information. I am well-educated, well-read and well-travelled. But I cannot breathe fire. Where does a person learn such skills? Why did my education not include this?

I'm not totally hopeless: I can juggle. I can do that trick where I pull off my thumb. In high school, I borrowed the magic book I'd given my father and used it to learn to make a quarter disappear. And yet... how cool would it be to be a circus star?! I am totally drawn in by the glamour and showiness of these stunts, especially since they're usually done wearing sequins and fun hats. To sail on a flying trapeze! To ride an elephant! Even to do a summersault! The smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd. Sigh.

If I'd had a different life path, one where money were no issue, and coordination were my gift, I would totally be a circus star. Well, in addition to wanting to be a marine biologist, a country-western singer, and astronaut and a scientist who raises panda bears.